Poetry By Chuck



I remember his teeth the most,
when he was constantly frowning at me.
His smile is not something I remember,
nor is a happy laugh, only an abusive one.

I remember that just before he died,
he told me he was the one who kicked me.
A hundred stitches saved my loins,
but not my mind.

His admission that he believed I wasn't his,
was just another in a long, old story.
So many hits, kicks, and pain,
even his passing cant remove the stain.

I remember waking at night,
frozen in absolute fear.
A little ten year old in tears,
believing I would not reach another year.

My sister bore the mental and physical abuse,
but she is forever tainted in her mind.
I remember listening to that transpire,
in my darkened room, protecting that little bro of mine.

She climbed out a window in the middle of the night.
To forever disappear from my sight.
Everything is forever at the age of 10.
He died in 1974, coughing his lungs and heart out.

I remember wishing for just such an end,
and praying that I could cause it.
He left when his heart gave out.
After living 8 years on a couch.

Just before he died, he admitted it all.
Asked for forgiveness from us all.
I considered it, and gave it.
I love him despite it all.

All rights reserved, © Charles Allen Johnson. Copying without permission is forbidden.


Author's Questions/Comments
Yes I read the rules and am not seeking a "award".  Funny, that when we confront life, we seem to expect that all is happy and rose colored.   But, its just life.  Good and bad exist next to each of us.   I had to tell it like it was not colored in flowery language.


 Midnight Lace on May 23, 2005, 5:26 p.m. 
I Am Woman....Unbreakable 3852 critiques, 149 poems.
Chuck, this hits too close to home for me. I can really relate to this and I am like you, I love my dad despite all of the things he had done. This is a very touching and heartfelt poem. Thank you for taking the time to enter out contest, best wishes to you! 

 Chuck Johnson on May 23, 2005, 5:29 p.m. 
Just fade away. 568 critiques, 150 poems. Currently online.
That dark place we come from will not just disappear when the holiday approaches. I feel for your pain and the reason it exists and I wish you only the best each and every day.
 Torn Chakra on May 23, 2005, 5:41 p.m.  
You cannot feel love if you cannot feel pain. 2235 critiques, 221 poems.
Chuck, I am very glad that you entered. I'm sorry you had to go through this; its so unfortunate but as you said it; life isn't always rose coloured. I know Christina and I weren't tryin got say that it was when we made the rules for the contest. We just wanted to see how someone loves and why they love their dads and I think you showed us in one of the best ways. Forgiveness shows the best love around.

Thanks for entering

 Touchof1der on May 23, 2005, 6:43 p.m.  
Seduce my mind and you can have my body 16138 critiques, 258 poems.
I am really speechless here as I am sure many will be. I understand this. We have discussed your dad in the past. I've had people ask me, and I am sure you have as well... how can you forgive such and such. What many do not realize is that forgiving others does as much for us as it does for the other person and in some cases... even more. This is very poignant, honest and frank and in spite of everything you were subjected and esxposed to... you have become a compassionate and caring man. Thank you for sharing this, so others will see that there is not only hope, but healing as well. 
♥ Kimberly  
crimsontears17 on May 23, 2005, 11:17 p.m. 
stop telling me to smile 59 critiques, 4 poems.
Verdict: cool
ahhh this is really sad and well written and just really well done. keep up the awesome work. you can really tell how you poured your thougths and feelings and deep emotions into this piece and you did a really good job bringing it all together at the end. cool write, keep it up and write your heart out  
 Ava Noire on Jun 09, 2005, 9:57 p.m. 
cutting up my hands every time i touch you 16769 critiques, 334 poems.
My father was not abusive, but he did some things I wish he wouldn't have - said some things that really hurt my feelings that to this day remember. But my love for him has forgiven him of those things, long before I realized it myself.

This is a wonderful poem, in its honesty. And brave of you to tell it like it is.

congrats for placing in the top three.

 Legend on Jun 10, 2005, 1:53 
2450 critiques, 119 poems.
Congratulation on a wonderful poem and a well deserved gold  
 Chuck Johnson on Jun 10, 2005, 12:29 
Just fade away. 568 critiques, 150 poems. Currently online.
I am proud to have won this contest. Very. Getting an award for this causes conflicting emotions. Hard to sort them out. Ty for all the nice comments. It brings a sad smile to my face. Sincerely, Chuck
 Rebeka on Jun 15, 2005, 2:45  
know yourself 1450 critiques, 125 poems.

was deeply touched by this. i grew up with an alcoholic father who was a very 'mean drunk' this write of yours had to have been hard to write. i think that is what makes a good writer, when your words can reach inside other people and stir emotion. i also read the poem on your author page about vetrans day, memorial day and the soldier serving his country, i think you wrote that based on your personal experience and it is a wonderful tribute to all men (and women) who give everything in the name of freedom. God bless you, and i also want to say thank you for serving your country.  rebeka